Little Bit of Heaven

About 2 years ago..

My time has come to spread my wings.. Fly away.. Far away.. From everything that I have, that I own, in my life.. For a big change..

Start to live for my own life.. Start to survive my own self.. Where you can feel that your mind and your body work hand-in-hand.. Where you can feel that your brain never stop digesting what you accept from the outside world..

When your instinct become very sharp.. When you become more sensitive to what happen around you.. When you being force to live with many different people.. And accept them no matter what.. Because that is the rule living in society..

While you also have to study for your university.. Aiming for graduate as a bachelor student.. In 2 years only.. And with double majors.. I can't believe what am I thinking when I agree to live like that..

Its too late already.. What can I feel is stress.. depression.. sad.. lost.. insecure.. never enjoy my teenage life.. It's too late.. Too late.. I start to close my self from this world..

1 year ago..

Don't know from where he came from.. Don't know how he came into my life..

People said.. Anything that "easy come and easy go".. Never be alright.. But somehow.. As a girl who lost her passion in her life.. I decide to take that challenge..

I know it is a sin.. I know it is wrong.. But.. Again always have excuses for it.. Nevertheless.. It's true.. I am happy.. I start to live my life again.. People said "love come unexpectedly" and "you cannot control how you feel".. So.. What can I do??

People said "God work in mysterious ways", perhaps He heard my prayers? But I also believe in karma.. They said "what you wish with bad intention, you will pay back for that".. And believe it or not.. Here is my story..

I am so happy.. I can feel that I am being loved.. I can feel that there is someone who cares about me.. worrying about me.. taking care of me.. making me happy.. making me laugh.. They said "we need to be with someone who can make you smile and laugh".. I did it..

But.. As what it is supose to be.. Golden rule of life, "what you give what you get".. I receive my punishment after a bit out-of-control "enjoying" that tenporary feelings..

He left me.. To come back to his long distance girlfriend.. And I'm start to be lonely again..

Again..

Me..

And myself..

I had learned something from this.. No matter how.. You cannot make your happiness depends to others.. We own our happiness and we control our happiness.. We.. Are the one who incharge of our own happiness..

Never.. Expect others to make you happy.. We can be happy even if in depressed situation if you look from different angle.. That's why.. people always said, "everything happens for a reason, not just happen to make you sad or happy, there must be a lesson behind everything.."

And now.. I am..

Still feels lonely..

Haven't find out the meanings of life..

However..

I am proud..

To be able to stand with my own feet..

Being independent..

Survive for my self.. In this scary world..